Me Brave? Not Really.

I have received comments about how brave I am for having a baby at home, but the truth is I was more scared to have the baby at the hospital.

I was afraid I wouldn't make it to the hospital on time or arrive there too early.
I was afraid that they would strap me into the monitors so that I couldn't help the baby move down by moving myself.
I was afraid that the labor would try to be controlled rather than monitored.
I was afraid that they wouldn't let me eat and drink what I want to keep up my energy.
I was afraid that the labor wouldn't progress as they wanted and they would put me on pitocin.
I was afraid that the labor would be too painful to bare being stuck in a bed and augmented with pit that I would end up getting an epidural.
I was afraid my back would ache for 9 months again at the epidural injection site.
I was afraid of getting a spinal headache or other side effects from the epidural.
I was afraid the epidural would slow down the labor and they would have to up the pit.
I was afraid that too much pit would cause the baby to go into distress.
I was afraid that the doctor would tell me that he didn't think I could do it and that I would need help.
I was afraid that he would cut me in my most private place and that it would take years to be comfortably intimate with my husband again.
I was afraid of being the 1 in 3 that ends up being sliced open through layers of skin and muscle to have a baby pulled from me and then take weeks to recover while trying to take care of a young family.
I was afraid they would take the baby from me and poke it and prod it before I was able to admire how amazing he/she is.
I was afraid of the $10,000 medical bill, even if no interventions were needed.
I was afraid that my other two children wouldn't get to see their new sibling for hours or days after.

I was not afraid of what I knew my body could do.
I was not afraid that my doctor would ignore signs of trouble.
I was comfortable at home. It was wonderful.

Others have said, "I've tried to have a natural birth, but I just couldn't do it."
I didn't do it the first time either, but that is because I didn't have the proper support and knowledge.

If you were trying to lose weight, would you choose a place that straps you into a chair and places a delicious looking cake in front of you and the only people there to lend support are the pastry chef and his assistants who keep saying, "Just eat it, it will make you feel better!"

Or would you choose a place that has lots of workout equipment, a personal trainer and plenty of fresh veggies to eat?

Hospitals just don't know what to do with someone who wants to labor naturally and avoid all the risks that come with interventions.

I did not do this on my own. I had a doctor monitoring me from the moment I got pregnant. Everything was completely normal and healthy. He had no concerns and therefore I had no concerns. If there were complications then the hospital would have definitely been necessary.