Thursday, March 8, 2012

A Little Advice?

My heart is hurting a little today. This morning Audrey told me that most of her classmates don't like her, they say that she is not their friend. It brings back my own memories of the mean things kids said and did to me when I was in elementary school. I don't want her to experience that. I responded by saying that the important thing is that she is kind to everyone and that it is their loss if they choose not to be her friend because she is so fun and nice. But how does that make it better?

She didn't mention this problem before, but I think kids in kindergarten weren't in the "cliquey" mode yet, but why does it need to ever start, why can't all play with all? Why does there have to be friend separation? Twice now a neighbor girl has told Audrey that she wasn't allowed to play with her and another friend who Audrey knows well. She came home crying and the second time I was able to go out and talk to this girl. Her mom told her she wasn't allowed to play with kids that her parents didn't know their parents. I explained who we were and that we do know her parents, then she played. But I wondered why the other friend didn't stick up for her, and why are parents teaching their kids to exclude others? I know it's a safety thing, but it seems like the girl was using it as an excuse to exclude another girl she didn't know as well.

I probably am making a bigger deal out of this than it is, or am I? What can I do to help Audrey feel included? Why are kids telling her they aren't her friend? It makes me sad.


Given Family said...

that's so hard. poor little girl and she is adorable. I would try to talk to the teacher to talk to the students, and try to get to know the parents and talk to them to talk to their children as well. I would tell Aubrey that if that happened again to talk to her teacher or tell you or an adult who is there what happened so that they talk to those children... Argh that is so frustrating. sorry I hope it gets better soon.

Julie Jardine said...

I think the best we can do is to try to boost their confidence as best we can at home. Like dish out the compliments, and make them feel like they are loved and accepted at home, no matter what happens with peers. I can relate to this, because we have had similar things happen with our oldest. I think it is a rather common occurrence. It is super sad. You want to protect them from everything that hurts them. Maybe try inviting more kids over to your house. And try to see if there are other kids in her class that might also be feeling left out. Find the girls that would be a better fit for her anyway, and see if you can help friendships blossom.

Emily S said...

This makes me sad, too. I think you said the right thing. I think parents can do a lot to help kids know how amazing they are, even if it hurts when others say negative things. I do think it would be good to ask the teacher if she notices kids acting rude to her. She may not be in a position to change anything, but it's good to know how much of it is the child's perception vs. what really happened. Maybe there are only a few rude girls and the rest would love to play with her?